You have been given these challenges – because you can handle them.
Bad things happen to good people.
This lot of difficulties was handed to you because God knows you can tackle them..
For this is total bullsh**. And you have my permission to never take it from anyone.
Bad things happen to good people.
This lot of difficulties was handed to you because God knows you can tackle them..
If you ever go through a rough patch and get doled out such platitudes,
you have my permission to growl back. Growl such a growl that the lions in the Savannahs
will welcome you into their tribe.
And glare. Glare such a glare, that every teenager out there,
will envy your abilities.
In truth, I have neither glared, nor growled at anyone (so
far), but I am learning to brush it off. For this is total bullsh**. And you have my permission to never take it from anyone.
No one is happy to be handling difficult situations.
If they are doing so well, that’s wonderful. Tell them whatever it is that you
feel about them, tell them how they, or their handling of the situation make a
difference to your lives. DO NOT, let me repeat in caps again, DO NOT tell them
they are they are going through it because they can handle it. And DO NOT receive
any such BS from anyone either.
For even if the intention is well-meaning, as it normally
is, what it seems to endorse, is that it is their rightful share – that they
deserve it in some way. And that is simply not true. Ever.
What it seems to endorse, is that things will continue in
this manner – always – because there is an element of misfortune attached to them
and their lives. And that is simply not true. Ever.
What it seems to endorse, is helplessness, a general
overarching belief that the world believes this is their lot and that they’re
stuck with it. And that is simply not true. Ever.
If you want to help the person, be their friend, believe in
them and for them. Even when they don’t find the strength to believe in
themselves. Find a stash of optimism or strength, and gift it to the person.
Please do not validate (no matter how well-intended), their
situation or predicament in any way that suggests that they deserve it, or that
it is their lot – simply because they can handle it.
And we can leave the growling to the lions and the glaring
to the teenagers.
I love this. I have found myself on both sides of the equation and know how infuriating some of those words can be. And, I've probably let a few of them slip in an effort to say something in a moment of, "I don't know what to say, but just say something, anything, not that, oh my goodness did that just come out of my mouth!!"
ReplyDeletewell, the good news is Afton, I can't imagine anyone ever being offended by you :)
DeleteAnother one I hate is "God only gives a person as much as they can take", not only does this minimize God to the role of a punisher, but also implies that the person is more than capable of handling the situation. When I received this BS from so many people after getting the news that my newborn has Down Syndrome, I felt like lashing out "No I cannot handle this! This is hard and heart-breaking!". But instead I simply ignored the words, and diluted them to only absorb peoples good intentions behind them.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. So brave of you to go looking for the good intentions behind the words.
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