Awakening wonder… travel and other…

Fact well known: We miss something only after it’s gone.

Fact not so well known to me: Sense of wonder can be one such thing

Of the things we take for granted, I never imagined sense of wonder could figure on my list. I never imagined it could be so central to our being. I couldn’t imagine why I hadn’t noticed it as much, never appreciated it.

I never imagined I could miss it so much.

A sense of wonder is a remarkable thing. It’s the sparkle in the eye, the light on the face, a smile, a spark, awakened curiosity… wonder.

It’s the process of discovery, it’s a sense of marvel, it’s heightened curiosity, it’s the quick awareness of beauty in our surroundings.

A child is full of wonder. It’s wonderful to watch a child experience wonder. They are so open to it. They await it. They receive it with abandon, without hesitation; their minds are tiny sponges waiting to soak up anything in their surrounding that sparks their imagination.  

As we age, we are increasingly preoccupied by life and worries and responsibilities and everything we deem more important, more valuable, more worthy of our time. Does that leave less room for wonder?

Or are we less willing to make room for wonder? For wonder is big, and at times silly, or uncomfortable or even incongruous in our present.

There are many things that awaken wonder and each of us would have a different list if we ever decided to make that list. Wonder can exist in small unexpected things - if and when we choose to notice them. Wonder can exist prominently – in a no-denying-it manner. At times, quick, fleeting, and unexpected. Other times, we are well aware of what stirs wonder in us. 

Of the things I know for certain awakens wonder in me, is travel. It inspires awe, awakens wonder. It stirs gratitude, arouses and satisfies curiosity. In travel, we make the space and time to experience wonder, stay awake to it – in small, silly experiences, and big, breathtaking moments.

Yet, when life gets hard, energy declines, and spirit dwindles, it seems difficult to allow wonder in. It seems misplaced and incongruous in the current scheme of things. Even when I see it, there is a sense of detachment, it seems a misfit in the environment. I look at it as a stranger I can no longer relate to.  

Some months ago – five, to be almost precise, my husband and I waited at an ultrasound appointment. Having spent six weeks in the hospital and undergone back-to-back surgeries, I was wobbly and sufficiently medicated.

I flipped pages of a Good Housekeeping (or some such) magazine. My husband saw a travel magazine nearby, and handed it to me. I studied the enticing, adventure and wonder-filled locations on the cover.

It seemed too much to even dare to hold it. I knew it would awaken wonder inside me. Yet, there seemed no room for wonder in that moment. It seemed incongruous in that situation filled with so much pain, worry and apprehension. I could not relate to it. I could not give in to the sense of wonder – perhaps in the fear that it would make my pain seem sharper? Or make me weaker? Or sadder?  

It seemed unfair that wonder should have to share a space with pain and fear. Perhaps I felt I didn’t deserve it in that situation, that it could create a havoc of dissatisfaction.

I refused the magazine, and continued to disinterestedly flip page after page of recipes I would never cook and organizing tips I would never follow.

Even if I was not in a place – physically or emotionally to allow wonder in, I understood there was a strangeness to my actions, to my thoughts.

The following month, I made travel plans. The thought of family and friends was nurturing, despite the long travel and the immense fatigue and apprehension I felt.

The silly magazine incident stuck with me. I felt as if I had to do something about it. We made plans to travel within India. The plans were more conservative than they otherwise might have been, but did include a camel safari, a stay in the dessert and other travel and exploration.

The thought of travel, awakened wonder. Alongside, it awakened panic and a certain realization of possible insanity that I had so far held in denial.

The magazine episode reminded me that I was closing up, that the walls of guardedness were so high, little wonder could leap past (okay, let’s ditch the metaphors, but you get the idea).

There was much wonder in our travels. There was also much fatigue and at times questioning of intention and ahem… sanity.  

I felt as if I needed to be removed from my surroundings filled with worry and medical issues, and routine and responsibility. And thrown in a place and situation where I would willingly or unwillingly allow myself to take in at least some ounces of wonder.

I took in plenty.

I understand it is easy to slip back to a place of wonder deprivation. To focus on the problems and fatigue, that wonder seems an object far away that we can no longer relate to. I also understand there is no need to be in exotic, adventure filled situations to awaken wonder.

How do we stay open to wonder? How do we notice it? How do we allow it be, to breathe, despite the surrounding ugliness?