Grief and love

To lose a loved one… to have a human being removed from our lives… forever. Even when it is the truth, the truth seems elusive. Even when there is no denying the reality, the reality seems slippery.

For how can a person be gone? Their smile is still with us, their grace, their kindness, their humanity still lives. How then can the person be gone forever?

Certain places and situations will never feel complete without them. Unconsciously, we expect them to join us, but they never will. Even when homes and walls that have been filled with their life and presence, can never be without.

We talk in the present tense about them, only to be reminded of the permanence of death. Our mind wants to trick us into believing that they are still here.  Perhaps it is a way to protect the heart. For it may be harder for the heart than for the head. Allowing small escapes from reality, even when the stark, steely, certainty stares at us.

Slowly we train ourselves to accept it. Coax our hearts into believing that they are in a place beyond suffering. Reminding ourselves of the full lives they led with meaning and purpose. Of the good they did and the world they changed for the better in their small and generous ways.

Grief fills us, and so does love. And you wonder how you can be so filled with grief and love all at once. The loss of a loved one will do that. Slowly you notice gratitude seeping in. For what they added to your life, and you can only hope that you added something to theirs.