Tests of endurance… of mindsets, emotions, and faith in one’s physical strength and self

This was a quick ten minute jotting with frozen fingers, as we waited for chai in the morning. Pictures of these notes attached - just for fun :)  

I set on a small Himalayan trek after decades. Treks that I had loved as a teenager, constituting some of my most favorite memories. The kind you turn to in difficult times, images of places of peace and beauty, that bring back peace and beauty in a trying moment.

This trek was neither too hard, nor too rustic in terms of hardship. We had a guide and porter and someone to make hot chai and food at a most incredible campsite in the Himalayan mountains. Such luxury. My jaw would have dropped in disbelief had I heard of this decades ago.

Yet, there was a small apprehension gnawing inside me. Would embarking on this “luxurious” trek cast a shadow or tarnish my old memories of treks in the Himalayas? Would it be too hard? Would my body, once spry like a mountain goat on these very mountains now feel heavy and burdened and incapable of completing the trek?

The excitement was real. More so because I was setting on this adventure with a best friend of over 30 years. One who loves these mountains and treks every year. Both were excited to be here, both were excited to be here together, both had demons of physical limitations to overcome. Time had been hard on our bodies. Illness, surgeries, physical limitations sometime do more than simply the physical aspect. They cause doubt and apprehension to creep in. Doubt in our own physical abilities, apprehensions of things that can go wrong.

These doubts and apprehensions, even if killjoys, are also real. And sometimes, it is hard to tell how real or how big they may be.

So what do you do when they cast a shadow on your sense of spirit and adventure, on everything you hope to do? Do you look at your spirit with a certain sense of dread and distrust? Play it safe and not venture out?

Moderation (as with everything as we age), is key. Understanding limitations (even if sometimes hard to estimate) may be key.

But as I sit here scribbling this with frozen fingers in the Himalayas, with eagles circling above the majestic mountains and my bestie taking in the views (or searching for possible network), I am glad we didn’t listen to our limitations. Or try to keep our old memories intact by not risking to taint them with possibly bad new ones filled with limitations.

#@$%#@ the weather

I seem to complain about the weather. Constantly. Always displeased, disgruntled, dissatisfied with what the weather Gods have to offer to me.

There are of course those occasions when I look at the skies above and smile, I thank nature and the weather gods for their bounty, but it seems less than my constant string of complaints. 

Let’s take this year for instance. Right at the start of 2024, we have the worst possible winter storm in Portland. Power outages, internet outages, trees down, damage to property and morale. We stay huddled by the fireplace, armed with flashlights, managing to communicate to our kid on the other coast that she may not be able to reach us, it seems like ancient times, albeit surrounded by modern things - many of them unusable. 

#@$%#@ the weather. We are at its mercy. 

The next few months are mostly gloomy and wet, many days when even the dog wants to hurry back home. She stops by our street, looking towards our home, then looking at me telling me that we need to go back home. She refuses to walk more. 

#@$%#@ the weather. We all dream of summer. 

I plan a trip to India. My hometown seems to be in the throes of the worst summer ever. My nose bleeds everyday. I remain in a self-inflicted home arrest, trying not to venture too far from areas of the home with air conditioning. I cancel meetups with friends due to nosebleeds. I do very little than hang around at home. Was I always such a delicate darling? Oh well… no need to answer that. 

#@$%#@ the weather. I miss the rain and gloom clouds of Portland. 

A bestie of over 30 years and I venture on a trip and trek in the Himalayas. I am excited to be in the Himalayas and the quaint towns in its foothills. We reach there. It rains. Every. Single. Day. From short little rain bursts, to hail storms in the mountains, to a torrential storm with thunder and lightening on the last day. It doesn’t stop us, but we have to be mindful of the weather and plan around it. 

#@$%#@ the weather. We’ve been talking everyday for the past month planning this trip. 

Clearly, I don’t seem to have the best luck with weather. I would quite understand if you weren’t exactly keen on going on a trip with me. Yet, when I look at pictures or think of these times (I have ranted above), none of it seems dreadful. At all. 

During the snowstorm, I see cozy pictures of us huddled by the fireplace. Of phone calls to check on others, inviting them over, or being invited over to homes with power. We have no internet and my husband treks to a friend’s place to e able to work. He makes him chai and lunch. The weather sucks, but the sense of community is strong. 

As for the long gloomy days, every time we have a break in weather, the dog and I rush out for a walk, appreciating the sun and elevated temperatures, whenever available. 

And even if I resolve to not visit India in April, and snort white ghee-based creams like a cocaine addict, to prevent nosebleeds, the pictures I see, tell a different story. I eat the best mangoes in the world (any self-respecting Maharashtrian will pridefully argue over their hapoos (Alphonso) mangoes), I see smiles, and laughter in meeting family and friends after long, I doubt I will remember the nosebleeds or house arrest in hindsight. 

As for the trip, the pictures speak for themselves. My friend assures me that she has good luck with treks and that it will not rain while we are trekking. She is right. There is a short hailstorm once we arrive at our campsite and we are safely under a shade. The mountains are glorious, even if the sunrise is in the clouds and we miss the golden peaks. But the beauty of the moment and our surroundings can chase away even the smallest shred of disappointment about weather. 

So glad for pictures and our mental capacity to cherish the good. We truly are a blessed species, for with the unfortunate, we remember the good with such ease. Even when things are not quite perfect, we revel in the joys that the moment has to offer. 

That does not go to say that I will not complain about the weather. Oh no, my fingers are swollen from the heat and a shopkeeper thought I was a Westerner a few days back, given how red my face was. But even when I gripe, I am aware of the resilience of our species able to find sunshine in  most situations.

The trick may be to remind ourselves of the sunshine even as we wallow in the discomfort of it all.