I stare back at it in wonder. It is so perfect and yet I had almost nothing to do with it. Not with its perfection, and perhaps, nor with its being there. Did I sow lettuce seeds last fall or winter? Threw some in there to over-winterize? Or wait, didn’t a lettuce go to flower last fall (due to neglect, of course) along with a bunch of other greens and herbs? I try to remember the going-ons in my yard from last summer.
I may never know the truth. Yet I marvel at the beauty in front of me. Surely, I had something to do with it, and yet I cannot put a finger on what that might be, and nor can I take credit for it.
I did notice it growing, a teeny tiny baby, translucent green, hopeful in the midst of all weeds. As I furiously yanked the weeds out, I slowed down and yanked around it, leaving it in, along with a few other hopefuls - spinach, kale, lettuce, a tiny tomato plant – surely from seed. Sigh…it does makes me wonder how many I perfectly good ones I destroyed in the process… Hmm… but back to focusing on the good and not on those in the green waste bin, decomposing with other regrets. Sigh...
Coming back to the one that made it. I remember pressing down the earth around it to make it stable despite the yanking of weeds all around. Now that I do remember. After that moment I did exactly what a great gardener would do. Ignore it.
Well, maybe that’s what it needed. For me to notice it, leave it in and then simply let it be. To not disturb it, to not sweat over it, or its future. To simply marvel at its existence, perhaps to keep a little faith in it and to be okay whether or not it made it.
From where I stand right now, I wonder if the lettuce is telling me something about parenting goals. At this point in my life and my child’s.
I look at the lettuce for confirmation. For answers maybe. It gives me none. And yet, it tells me a lot.
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