Lost in the fluster

Last night. Like the approximate 20,000 people gathered, I feel fortunate to hear Michelle Obama speak. Social media, facebook pages, texts and twitter feeds, all buzz today about the talk -- how wonderful, how inspiring, how authentic, how witty, how real… and I don’t need to repeat any of it.

The whole time there, I wish my daughter were with me. That she hear every word. Oddly enough, the seat next to mine is empty. I look at it and wish more so.

Tickets to this event have been on my mind, but due to low energy levels, I don’t quite get around to it. The day of the event, I wake up and decide I have to try. I find two tickets and call a friend who I know wants to go. As deals like these go, I meet the person in a Starbucks and transfer the tickets. Score! We are on.

A few hours before the show, I bustle about, drop my kid to her activity, fix dinner, try to squeeze in a nap… I am moving, thinking, organizing… I don’t slow down, I don’t check email (not that the two are related in any way).

After the show, as I’m heading to bed, I see an email from the person who sold me the tickets. The email says that he had one more ticket as another person in their group is not able to make it. My eyes widen. That seat next to mine. The one that could have been my daughter’s! I see another email from him, sent an hour and a half before the show…

If you want it, I'll transfer it to you for free. I just want someone to use the ticket at this point! Lol

I shake my head in disbelief. That seat was truly meant to be hers. I would have been more than happy to pay for it. I want to kick myself. I wonder if my bustling and hurrying and scrambling got in the way?

Nooooo… I shake my head some more and decide not to beat myself over it. My kid is thirteen. She will have ample opportunities to hear remarkable and inspiring women (and men) speak. I fervidly hope she will seek out such opportunities.

Yet, I wonder, if given that I operate on less energy, do I scramble more, in a bid to get things done in a similar manner to how, a younger, healthier version of me would have? Does that cause a certain stress, that no longer allows me to be in touch with the bigger picture of things?

Sometimes, it feels like the Universe is trying to align itself, in our interest. In times such as these, do I get in the way? In the way of beautiful synchronicities that are trying to happen? How then do we stay open and relaxed and in a position to receive completely?

Interestingly, I am reminded of Michelle Obama’s anecdote of how she first met Barrack Obama. There are many remarkable elements in her talk. This one seems relevant.
He is reporting to her office for his first day of internship. He is late (from figuring out trains) and he is wet. She is not impressed. However, she narrates how he is not in the least flustered – despite arriving late, and wet, on his first day. He apologizes for being late, mentions he didn’t carry an umbrella… but maintains his persona and calm and is completely at ease and completely centered and himself, focusing on what he needs to do and why he is there.  

Greatness, clearly, is not arrived at in a hurry, or through scrambling and stressing, and losing focus of the bigger picture.  But we always knew that.  

So, although I may not be vying for greatness of any kind, remaining unflustered even when there is something totally fluster-worthy and being able to see the bigger picture may be something worth moving towards.

Not to say that I would have certainly checked my email if I weren’t as winded, but I know for sure my two hours before the show would have been more relaxed, and most likely, everything I needed to do, would have been done. Hmmm…